Article:
8 Reasons I Hate Gamers: Dice

I'm a gamer, have been for many years. I love the games, the players, the systems, the stories and most of all, the adventures. But every now and then there's things that make me bang my head against a wall. This week, it's Dice.

1. You Have No Dice
How long have you been doing this now? Months? Years? How is it conceivable that you can be playing the games for this long and you don’t have your own dice? Why do you keep assuming that you can use mine, his, hers or anyone else around the table, and then you don’t remember whose is whose and nobody ends up getting their own dice back. I mean really, a set of seven costs a couple of quid and there, you’re all set. For god’s sake go and raid an old board game for a couple of D6, that would at least be a start.

2. Die vs Dice
Stop calling it a Die. You sound like a pedantic arsehole and not only does everybody know that it says in the dictionary that one dice is a die, but not a single one of them cares. That’s the only time people refer to them as dies is when people are correcting everybody else just out of a smug sense of superiority. So it stops right now. Everybody else calls one dice a dice, and from now on we’ll be correcting your big fat face every time you get it wrong.

3. The Shapes and Complexities
You know what, while we’re on the subject I’ll admit something to you. I went to college and did maths. I know about geometrics and matrices and even advanced calculus. That was many years again and I can now tell the difference between a cube, a pyramid and a sphere, but I really don’t know or care which is an icosahedron, a dodecahedron and a chiliagon. That knowledge wouldn’t help me play the game because I just go for the one that I need at the time. Get over it.

4. You Have Too Many Dice
Dear god is that your dicebag? What in gods name were you thinking about? I could park my car in that thing. How many billion dice have you brought? I get it if we were playing champions or warhammer or something that needs a billion dice but we’re not. Even if you were to throw every spell, weapon, skill and ally at your command you’re not even going to need a fraction of what you’ve got there. The only possible reason you could have is if every dice you have melts after you use them, and next time I’ll bring a blowtorch to make that happen.