Review:
Just Dance

‘The flow of your body movements will be sensed by the Wii Remote and compared with those of a professional dancer in order to evaluate your performance precisely.’

So claims Just Dance, a ‘fun’ and ‘lively’ ‘party’ ‘game’ that aims to get you to stop drinking and talking and get off the sofa to boogie along with dance ‘classics’ like, um, Katy Perry, Deee-Lite and the Spice Girls.

The idea is that you and up to three rhythm-loving, party-hard friends stand in front of a TV, mimicking the movements of a terrifying dancer who looks at you, yet has no face. The player with the highest score wins, achieves nothing and so the next track is chosen to continue the game. That’s everything on offer right here.

There are no hidden features, no difficulty options, no bonus tracks, and no online content. It’s just you, your TV and your dignity. The dictionary definition of ‘casual game’ features the box art for Just Dance.

To make matters worse, the game’s claim of dance accuracy – see the first paragraph – is a flat-out lie. Just Dance cannot tell the difference between sitting and standing, jumping and shaking or even dancing and remote waggling. Considering that the entire game engine hinges upon this concept, it’s utterly appalling that no thought went into actually programming it.

The game’s visuals are akin to having a bad acid trip at Mr. Motivator’s house. The dancers are filmed through a heat-vision camera, which bleaches out all of their skin and makes them look like terrifying albino clubbers. Along the bottom of the screen scroll the next series of poses the game expects you to pull, but it’s actually easier and less distracting just to follow the actions of the faceless albino. You can also select between twenty random symbols to sit atop your score (even though there are only four players) and the lyrics to the songs also flash onscreen, although, hilariously, they are constantly out of sync.